The prelims are coming and I'm totally worn out, surprise surpise. I dunno but my days seem to get shorter and shorter... and I keep falling sick which is a real bummer. Had my English O level oral yesterday and it was okay I guess... I could have done better though. Current mood: sleepy. Oh yes, and today happens to be kelly's birthday so... 'Happy Birthday Kelly dearest!'

Hmm... I'm gonna be lame now and tell you everything current now...

Currently listening to: Kenny Rogers, 'love lifts us up where we belong'
Curently doing: My blog 'duh, as if ya didn't know that!'
Currently thinking: 'Um. What AM I thinking ah?'
Currently in love with: My Lord Jesus. My pawents. My fwens. My little girlies, Mel and Tango and pet bird Vicki and my other little girl from Legolas's side, Kelly. Bert. and some guy named Jeff.
Currenly breathing: Oxygen. I think.
Current Virus in my system: Common cold
Currently wearing: An old Chicago shirt... my bro's I think... someone put it in my drawer. Very comfy though.
Currently craving: Boston public.
Currently needing: A lot of sleep.


MMMMMMM. yeah. Why do some people look at me and ask me if I'm mixed? Funny. Whenever I look in the mirror, I see myself as Chinese as everyone else..I'm just tan is all. Oh wells... think I'll take a nap now. Ta-ta... *snores*

*Stargazer* watched the stars @ *1:30 AM*

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

I had such a horrible dream last night. I dreamt I was in the tower for history class and like Mr Lee was lecturing that day and he called me out and said something to me... can't remember what exactly, but I went 'SO?' in that really rude way and he started to yell at me. Freaky. I think it must be because Mr Koh yelled at us yesterday. hm.

Anyways, today was a pretty good day. Nothing really bad happened... so I'm kinda happy. =)

Okay, here's a song called 'I'll be there' by Jackson 5.


'And ohhhhh...I'll be there to comfort you
Build my world of dreams around you
I'm so glad that I found you
I'll be there with a love so strong
I'll be your strength;
I'll keep holdin' on
holdin' on, holding on, holdin' on, holdin on''

*Stargazer* watched the stars @ *2:39 AM*

Monday, August 02, 2004

This morning, I woke up at 5.20 and I felt so stressed about today because I'm still exhuasted from yesterday and well, basically still really angry about that stoopid scrabble director who totally doesn't deserve to be one. (more on that later)... plus, there were 3 tests today and I was so freaked out about geography coz even tho I've been studying it on my own time just to prepare for Os, I didn't know what time topic was for today and plus, even tho I studied for accounts, I'm still kinda slow when it comes to actually doing it... yeah and I didn't wanna disappoint mr koh and ms kang esp since I told them I studied!! and I did! but hmmmp.

Anyway, back to 5.20 in the morning. I got up and bent over in my bed...so I was actually kneeling on my bed. hmm... anyways, I just prayed. It wasn't a long prayer and it was pretty simple but I totally and honestly meant it when I asked God to just give me strength to carry out my day coz I was so afraid of just waking up and getting out of bed to go to school. I wasn't at all ready. But the thing is, today was a pretty good day... I mean... the tests turned out to be okay except for the fact that I ran out of time for geography so I hope I can at least pass and as for accounts... I hope I can pass it too. And maths was pretty okay I guess. I'm supposed to have tuition soon... I haven't done my homework..and then I came back and realized that I didn't have any homework. haha, which is why I'm here now. So I'm really gonna thank God for looking after me today... and well. Every other day too...

Okay, yesterday. As some of you may already know, it was the interschool scrabble competition grand finals and well, I had invited a lot of people to come but they didn't... I wasn't really disappointed because the people who really mattered turned up... which is my mum and Bert. So thanks for coming mum and bert. haha. Anyways, we didn't win but we ought to have won something. Stooopid director robbed us of our trophy and robbed me of my last chance ever playing for SMSS. Yeah, he was rude to mr koh too. I would have strangled him if I wasn't in my school uniform haha. Oh wells, mr koh's gonna write a nasty letter to mattel and brands because of that awful director. I hope he's banned from ever touching a scrabble board again. He has totally violated the game and its rules. I mean... oh man, I feel like I let my whole team down cause I wasn't playing my best at the last game. but overall, even with all those spastic things that happened, the day turned out pretty good.

My mum got my a new swimsuit from Adidas. Thanks mom. Love ya! And hmm... well, bert got me another new CD. THANKS BERTY! Muachx! and ummm... hmmm... sigh. I'm very tired, gonna go off now... bye bye.

leave you guys with alittle quote from 'before sunset' kay?

'If someone touches me, I think I'll just dissolve into molecules.'

*Stargazer* watched the stars @ *2:53 AM*

Friday, July 30, 2004

I just watched 'Big Fish' and in my opinion, I think its really terrific. I mean... I was almost in tears at some points. Yeah... I mean, no doubt its weird but I'm a real freak for weird stuff...Okay wait... not like weird stuff that's on the dark side and all... nice, pleasant weird stuff. Stuff that makes you smile or tear alittle...but not like freak you out or anything. *shivers*

Anyhow, I'll move on to tell you how my week has been. I have been trying to study. TRYING. but you know, everytime I get home from school, I'm just way too exhuasted to do anything.  I mean, I get home pretty late...like 5 or sometimes 6 and boy, I have plently of homework to keep me company! Plus, I actually do my accounts TYS which is really yucky. Funny. I don't do the homework Mr Koh sets for me because I end up doing the stuff my mum gives me... and yeah. Haha. But I trust my mum, she's taught accounts longer than Mr Koh has. And like, back to the exhuasting bits... plus I need to keep fit. (honestly, sometimes Mdm rosenah is like, totally out of her mind... I'm tooooo tired to work out!)

Hmm... accounts. Mr Koh's really weird in class sometimes. He can go from being really really pissed and talking like a train to suddenly laughing at Sharon cause she's just so cute sometimes and sometimes he can be really dramatic...like when we were all so blur in class and he put his hand on his forehead and went 'oh despair!' like some guy in a shakespeare play. And then there are days when he changes octaves or days when he's just really really loud or really soft. I mean, other teachers like Mr AnTony are really just loud all the time and really cynical all the time and well, basically, makes girls cry a lot of the time. Almost like Mr Peterson. They could have like a who-can-make-the most-girls-cry teacher award. I don't think Mr Koh's made anyone cry yet... well, maybe cry because some of them are so totally in love with him (if my sources are correct and not outdated that it haha). Haha... but I guess its okay, he's nice and like I could understand if girls have crushes on him and things... I mean, it'd be odd if those juniors had crushes on Mr AnTony. Nothing wrong... haha.. just a little out of the ordinary.

Ohhhkay. Now that you've all heard my opinions on stuff... let me continue with my other opinions. Hahahaha. thought you could escape huh! Well kids, you are soooo totally wrong! sorry. don't know where that came from. okay so over the past month or so, I have bought/received a couple of CDs. Maroon 5 from bert which is totally incredible. 'She will be loved' is like one of my ultimate favorite songs. Its has a nice melody and everything... but I love the story behind it. According to Elly, its about this guy who's in love with a prostitute. I kinda feel for the song in a way... so its special. Its like 'Penny and me'... its gives me that tingly feeling when I hear it and I can't explain that feeling to anyone...so I found my special songs, have you?

Okay. Enough about music. Here's a lovely poem I read in a book called 'Dear Nobody'... I've had the book a pretty long time... found it in one of the shelves long long time ago and I've read it so many times.

'Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.'

Mmmm. can you hear it? Whenever I read a beautifully written piece of work, it feels like something special has entered my heart... and it just makes it beat ever quicker. 'Tread softly because you tread on my dreams' think about that. Makes a lot of sense once you understand it... funny how I didn't take lit. though I feel so much for poetry.

I'll just end here with a quote from the book 'Dear Nobody' again,

"Language is power, literature is love and poetry is food for the soul."

 

*Stargazer* watched the stars @ *4:06 AM*

Friday, July 23, 2004

Hmmmph. I've been sick. ack.
I hate being sick... makes me so tired.

anyways, I stayed home today because... well, because I was sick. and I spent pretty much the entire day studying the theme of settlements for geography. yup, uh huh... finally woke up from my slumber. prelims are so close... kinda scary if you think abt it.

Anything good today? hmm...
yeah, I actually managed to catch a glimpse of the morning sky when it isn't dark. hehe. yup, long time never see.

My body is aching tho... dunno why. I fell asleep a couple of times while studying. Settlements isn't exactly the most interesting chapter in the book even though they place exclaimation marks here and there. Its like saying 'The table is brown!' wow. hmmmph.

Dee is coming back! yeah. and umm... I finally found a box to put all my letters which ppl have given me over the years into. its just a plain old shoe box... well, two shoe boxes actually. couldnt fit all in one.

anyways, me's gonna sign off now. cya

*Stargazer* watched the stars @ *4:32 AM*

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

There's so much I have to say... but I don't know where to begin.

First of all, I really need to apologize to my mum. I mean... gawd. sometimes I really take her for granted and I'm so selfish and I hardly ever consider her feelings. which I am so not proud of.

She said it was okay for me to fail my O levels... I mean, I could do it again if I wanted to... or I could just go out and get a job. I dunno. I never really cared for it... for myself. But the way she said it was so sad... I dunno, I feel really guitly. Like I've let everyone down or something.

Anyways, she told me that I can do whatever I want but if I want any help, she and my dad and right behind me. Gawd, I mean. I just don't know why... I'm glad that she cares... but I dunno. When your parents come to the point that they stop pushing you to do stuff and telling you what's right... its just, like suddenly someone switched off the lights and you're all alone and lost.

My mom actually considered not letting me do the Os and wanted me to transfer to an international school, unfortunately, they only accept foreigners which is a real bummer. Anyways, I'll probably end up going to a prep school next year... if things go okay. If things go really well, then I'll go to JC or something.

I've decided that I'll probably just go into there and do my best... not aiming for anything brilliant... just gonna do my best. gonna sign off here now.

Love,
Audrey

*Stargazer* watched the stars @ *6:07 AM*

Monday, July 19, 2004

Warning: Mild vulgarities.
 
Life's a bitch.
 
 
Okay. Here's the scoop on Scrabble.
 
I lost a game by 3 points. How? I have to idea... some quirk of nature... some fiasco...(yup, stole that from dahling no. 1)  I totally screwed it up. I'm not proud of it, not happy about it and I like, duh, didn't wish it happened. But it did so I'm gonna just let it blow by and get on with my utterly miserable teenage life where I'm so sure everyone's out to get me. (which is so true)
 
Anyways, Laura was the only one of us who won all 3 games. Fantastic. Congratulations Laura dear, 2nd place,  look forward to your wins again next year! Although, I don't know if I'll still be around to witness the spectacular event.
 
Scrabble isn't the only thing that's gone wrong. My grades suck. Yeah and if you think your grades stink, mine's worse... and I'm talking shit marks. And I have to deal with my parents and their relentless nagging that's driving me to the grave. Gawd, sometimes its like the world doesn't understand me and I'm like an alien or something. Alone. sigh*
 
Geez, I'm so tired of being so optimistic. Being hopeful sucks. I mean, it really breaks us down sometimes. 
 
Let's do an all round recap of what's been going on during my past year in sec 4. So many things have changed and I'm finding it really difficult to cope.
 
And ah, bloody hell. (forgive my vulgarities, I learnt it from Mr AnTony) Its just such a shit year. Feel like taking it and tossing it into the toilet, flush it down and hope it never turns up at my doorstep.
 
The thing is, I don't know what's wrong with me. I mean, I have all the knowledge in my head but when it comes to answering questions, I'm blank. Totally Blank. I guess sometimes I confuse some of my teachers coz they don't understand why, according to them, I can bring forth a good argument in speech but fail to do so on paper. Why? I don't know. I'm stumped on this one too.
 
Anyways. I'm pretty much done here. Nothing else I have to bitch about. so ta.

*Stargazer* watched the stars @ *6:27 AM*